As i lay on my bed..listening to Ron Pope’s ..”A drop in the ocean”…i
felt that awkward feeling of loneliness, and i wandered where it was
coming from..twas crazy really…i wasn’t lonely..so what really was it i
was feeling.. I couldn’t tell.
Most nights i stay awake, practically thinking of nothing…maybe taking a mental picture of the way life was right now..most definitely not what i originally planned tho…but..lots of shits happened along the way..some i regretted, some decisions i wished i hadn’t made,..some paths i would have forgone …and some things that was really cool and positive in my life,some things i was happy about and grateful for…basically my thoughts just went around on a random roller coaster….but at the end..i came out and did ok…made me proud of me.
Still that nagging feeling at the back of my mind…what was it? Why do i feel so…so…arghhhh!..
My thoughts went to friends…there was a sudden epiphany there…where friends turn to strangers…where the laughter and hugs grow stale, faces begin to fade..what remains is what’s left in the memory of what was…and only a few left a good foot prints in your heart..those ones you would forever hold dear…forever be bff..*best friends forever*
I looked through pictures…moments captured in time..lovely memories there…family, friends, loved ones…the yesteryears and those growing years, the schools, the achievements…pictures telling a story…giving life to every click…making history…becoming a legendary tale to tell the lil ones when they all would be gathered around you…and you would be old and frail and your voice captivating them…holding them there…you would be a link to their past…and a guide to their future. And yet…that wasn’t what was bugging my lil mind.
I closed my eyes and listened…yet the sounds of generators could not let nature speak to me. I took my sweater and walked outside..it was quite chilly, a few stars could be seen, half moon..- i stared…as though i was waiting for something…anything…at all…just some sign..anything! Ofcos..i was being silly…what was i possibly expecting.. *deep sigh*….eventually i had to call it quits and went back to bed.
Then i began having a headache, then my chest began to feel tight..as though my throat was closing in and i also felt like choking…i also had tears in my eyes…and while i struggled with this….i kept asking myself…why am i feeling this way?..
Then i thought, maybe there is a void in my life that needs to be filled…like a lopehole…that should do it…but what?..and not as tho am exactly lacking anything..anything exactly, well mayb ok definitely a couple of things…but in grateful terms;God has being faithfully…everything is well underway..especially when you walk towards it and want it bad enough…you’ll get it. Right?..right? *sighs*…nothing wrong with wishfull thinking..even the chinese say ” be careful what you wish for..you might actually get it’..so…find me a wishing star and i would be well on my way.
Ohhhh….i really don’t know…this doesn’t usually happen…i know something is not right with this feeling…am awake for pete’s sake…can’t sleep..can’t even tell what’s wrong…i wouldn't mind a hug right now…and a rock…and the buzz of the song just keeps sucking me and strangly enough…its the only thing giving me comfort right now…
I turn to my side, pulling the covers close to my nose, biting my lower lip…shutting eyes tight and wills sleep to come …and peace to take over and rest my troubled mind…because i have the strangest feeling…and yet i can’t tell what it is…
Isn’t it the darnest thing you’ve ever heard??……
.
P.s..*baffled*…*sad face*
Most nights i stay awake, practically thinking of nothing…maybe taking a mental picture of the way life was right now..most definitely not what i originally planned tho…but..lots of shits happened along the way..some i regretted, some decisions i wished i hadn’t made,..some paths i would have forgone …and some things that was really cool and positive in my life,some things i was happy about and grateful for…basically my thoughts just went around on a random roller coaster….but at the end..i came out and did ok…made me proud of me.
Still that nagging feeling at the back of my mind…what was it? Why do i feel so…so…arghhhh!..
My thoughts went to friends…there was a sudden epiphany there…where friends turn to strangers…where the laughter and hugs grow stale, faces begin to fade..what remains is what’s left in the memory of what was…and only a few left a good foot prints in your heart..those ones you would forever hold dear…forever be bff..*best friends forever*
I looked through pictures…moments captured in time..lovely memories there…family, friends, loved ones…the yesteryears and those growing years, the schools, the achievements…pictures telling a story…giving life to every click…making history…becoming a legendary tale to tell the lil ones when they all would be gathered around you…and you would be old and frail and your voice captivating them…holding them there…you would be a link to their past…and a guide to their future. And yet…that wasn’t what was bugging my lil mind.
I closed my eyes and listened…yet the sounds of generators could not let nature speak to me. I took my sweater and walked outside..it was quite chilly, a few stars could be seen, half moon..- i stared…as though i was waiting for something…anything…at all…just some sign..anything! Ofcos..i was being silly…what was i possibly expecting.. *deep sigh*….eventually i had to call it quits and went back to bed.
Then i began having a headache, then my chest began to feel tight..as though my throat was closing in and i also felt like choking…i also had tears in my eyes…and while i struggled with this….i kept asking myself…why am i feeling this way?..
Then i thought, maybe there is a void in my life that needs to be filled…like a lopehole…that should do it…but what?..and not as tho am exactly lacking anything..anything exactly, well mayb ok definitely a couple of things…but in grateful terms;God has being faithfully…everything is well underway..especially when you walk towards it and want it bad enough…you’ll get it. Right?..right? *sighs*…nothing wrong with wishfull thinking..even the chinese say ” be careful what you wish for..you might actually get it’..so…find me a wishing star and i would be well on my way.
Ohhhh….i really don’t know…this doesn’t usually happen…i know something is not right with this feeling…am awake for pete’s sake…can’t sleep..can’t even tell what’s wrong…i wouldn't mind a hug right now…and a rock…and the buzz of the song just keeps sucking me and strangly enough…its the only thing giving me comfort right now…
I turn to my side, pulling the covers close to my nose, biting my lower lip…shutting eyes tight and wills sleep to come …and peace to take over and rest my troubled mind…because i have the strangest feeling…and yet i can’t tell what it is…
Isn’t it the darnest thing you’ve ever heard??……
.
P.s..*baffled*…*sad face*
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